My Matron of Honor Speach

From "The Irrational Season" by Madeleine L'Engle

But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take…It is indeed a fearful gamble…Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take…If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation…It takes a lifetime to learn another person…When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.

I have known Katherine a long time. Over two decades I have known her, and loved her. I know her history. I knew her as a teenager when we were planning our futures, our boyfriends, our husbands. When we were wondering what our lives would be like. Although we are different in so many ways, I always tell everyone that we are twins, and although no one believes me, I do because I feel Katherine is an integral part of my life, my other half, my sister, my twin.  I have been lucky to witness her grow and learn and struggle to become this beautiful, confident, strong, and wise woman that Ian loves.

I have thought, debated, and dissected about every major decision or indecision Katherine has ever made. And yes, sometimes it takes hours to decide if highlights or lowlights are the right choice and days of intense discussion, several picture text messages, weeks of heated arguments about if Katherine should wear the red dress or the pink dress to her new year’s date. But Ian, Ian was an easy decision. When I asked Katherine if she would say yes if Ian asked her to marry? Easy decision, yes. Katherine finally knew without a debate, without picking it all apart, as if the decision was the easiest decision of her life. Ian is the one.

I heard the stories, about the whirlwind romance. The slippers he bought her so her feet wouldn’t be cold, the valentine’s dinner he cooked, the holidays they celebrated, and that is tall, really tall not just sort of tall, but really tall, taller than anyone I know, do you think he is too tall?, How tall is too tall? Seriously though, Ian is the really tall, dark and handsome prince in her fairytale she has always dreamed would swoop her off her feet.

So raise your glass to Katherine & Ian to their lives they will create together, to the risk of love they take on and to this decision to participate in each other’s lives forever.